


Things Are Turning Into Red Water

by honeymoan



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, M/M, MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, Mentions of Sex, Sad Louis, Self-Harm, Suicide, there is a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:39:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5785642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeymoan/pseuds/honeymoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”L– Louis,” he whispered, fear in his voice, ”please don’t tell me you took the pills.”</p><p>And in that moment, Louis completely lost it. Tears started streaming down his already tears stained cheeks, his mouth open as he started to drool. He shook in Harry’s arms and took a firm grip of his own hair.</p><p>[Or; Harry comes home and sees that fighting was no longer an option.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Are Turning Into Red Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. So this is something I wrote about two years ago and decided to edit to at least make it decent enough to upload. I really want to warn you that yes, this might be triggering to you, and if it is, please don’t read it. The description of the suicide is quite graphically explained in detail. Please stay safe, life is worth living. Reach out to someone if you’re going through a tough time and get help, because there is help to get.

The rain was heavily falling from London’s dark sky as Harry jogged his way to his car, parked about 500 meters away from the building where he had been to a meeting with Modest! Management, almost drowning in the cold rain when he was now leaving.  
 

It was currently November, the rainiest month of the year. It usually didn’t even go two days without raining and honestly, Harry was so sick of it. He wanted sun, and really, he was planning on taking his boyfriend on a visit to Hawaii in January, when the band hadn’t started their tour yet and weren’t supposed to spend their whole days in a studio to record the new album. They had just released a new album, their fourth, and as the creative person Niall was, he of course came up with the name FOUR, don’t forget the underline though.   
  
The past four years had been awesome in Harry’s eyes and the best part was probably that it didn’t seem like it was stopping any time soon. It was like a never ending film, the five boys playing the leading roles.   
  
When Harry stepped in to the judges four years ago, with that curly hair and green innocent eyes, he never expected this. He never expected to get a place in a wonderful boyband with his now four best friends, one of them even as close as his boyfriend.  
  
The day when he first met Louis Tomlinson, was the day he literally started to believe in real love. It had been love at the first sight, and Harry could still feel the butterflies in his stomach when he thought back to the day when he first hugged Louis, live on TV in the whole UK, but he couldn’t care less. It was like two puzzle pieces met and were finally able to be together, the feeling was unforgettable.  
 

The rain started to smash harder against the ground, almost hurting the 20 year old as he was running towards his car, only holding his jacket over himself to shield his head from the rain.  
 

Louis had been Harry’s first everything. There had been no discussion about starting a relationship, it was almost like they already had been married for seventy years and finally found their way back to each other after something tore them apart. They found themselves kissing the first night when it was a stormy night and the five lads were visiting Harry’s stepfather to get to know each other a bit better. Harry and Louis had their own rooms, Harry one and Louis his own. Louis didn’t tell Harry to go away when Harry came walking in to his room at 3AM, Harry whimpering out that he was afraid of thunderstorms. Instead, Louis let Harry cuddle close to him under the duvet, hugging the younger boy against his chest, telling him that there was nothing to be afraid of. Harry turned and asked with a tiny voice if he could kiss Louis. Louis nodded and they were soon sharing their first kiss, butterflies escaping in both their stomachs. The next day, they spent the day telling each other stuff about themselves. They of course ended up talking about weird stuff that had happened, stuff such as when Harry was ten and got attacked by a goat, they both laughed rather loudly, even though the day of the accident, Harry had had to go to the hospital.  
  
It was three months later when they found themselves lying in their own apartment, which they had bought together from the money they had earned, the money already being a lot, even though they hadn’t been in the music business for a long time.  
  
Louis started kissing Harry, the innocent kissing soon turning to a heated, sloppy snog, Louis hovering over his boyfriend. Harry moaned and laughed at Louis, telling him to just ”get to it”. Louis chuckled, and nodded. He was fast to take off the boys’ clothes, soon leaving them completely naked, sloppily kissing. It was ten minutes later as Harry was sitting on Louis’ cock, unsteadily bouncing up and down, moans leaving both boys’ mouths, that Harry realised he loved the boy under his sweaty body.  
  
And now here he was, still living happily together with his boyfriend. Or well, at least as happy as they could get with a hidden relationship, a beard called Eleanor and a management made of homophobes. Still, they kept fighting and even though Harry had to make Louis crawl up in his lap some nights and have Harry reassuring him that everything would work out soon, Harry was sure that they both one day would be able to be themselves in front of the world. And he of course also wished that the whole world would respect them, understand how much they love each other and not try to tear them apart.  
 

The meeting with Modest! was just as any other day, about that Harry and Louis weren’t allowed to interact. That they were going to tweet from Louis’ Twitter account again and let the fans believe that it was the real Louis Tomlinson there, when it in fact only were them, the homophobes; also called their management. It had been too much gay rumours about the two lately; ”Harry Styles supporting equal rights”, ”Louis Tomlinson wearing LGBT t-shirt”, it all were too much in management’s eyes. Harry knew that Louis would be upset when he would be coming home, telling his boyfriend that they once again were going to tweet from Louis’ Twitter account. Louis had many times been sad about it; whispered against Harry’s chest that he wished that people would understand that there were a difference between @Louis_Tomlinson and Louis Tomlinson. Harry couldn’t do anything else but tell him that everything would turn out to be fine one day, they just needed to be patient.  
 

Harry sighed as he closed the door to his car, finally being inside and safe from getting wet by the rain. He put his key in the engine and drove off, finally leaving the building which he’d wanted to leave before he even made his way there.  
 

Louis and Harry still lived together, even though that absolutely wasn’t allowed to come out to the fans. They weren’t living in the centrum of London, more like where people wouldn’t notice them as much. A big brick wall was surrounding their house, almost making it impossible to see the world on the outside. The house was a big difference from the flat they bought back in 2011. The house was much larger and also much more expensive, the two boys didn’t mind that much though, since they both were billionaires.

Harry pulled up to the big house and clicked on a button inside the car, making a gate open so he could drive in and park his Range Rover. As soon as he had driven in to the garage, he made sure to click on the button again so the gate closed behind him.  
 

They both wanted people to know about them living together, hell, they just wanted to come out to the world, but knowing that if management got to know that other people knew, they would make them move away from each other immediately. They had already been sceptical about the two boys moving in with each other the morning when Louis and Harry came waking in to their building with a picture of the house they wanted to buy.  
 

Harry got out from the car and instead made his way towards the door which would take him inside to one of the halls. He opened the door and turned the light on in the hall before he closed the door to the garage again. Harry was swiftly taking off his boots, eager to see his boyfriend, cuddle up with him under ten blankets in the living room while watching a stupid film. Harry had left pretty early, and the clock was now two in the afternoon. Harry had made sure to grab some lunch after the long meeting, already being hungrier than ever. As soon as he had finished his hot dog, he drove home.  
 

The house was completely quiet, not a tiny sound heard. Harry frowned and decided to make his way upstairs to see if he could find Louis in their bedroom. Maybe he was lying on their bed, just waiting for Harry to fuck him? Harry couldn’t help it when his pants tightened. The last two weeks had been literal torture, the two boys hadn’t had sex in so long, it felt like, even if it only had been two weeks. For Harry though, it was a long time. He was used to sleeping with Louis at least thrice a week. He had honestly no idea why Louis had been so weird lately. Whenever Harry crawled on top of Louis, slightly grinding against him, Louis would tell him off and come up with an excuse such as _”I’m tired, Harry, let’s sleep.”_ Harry didn’t want to push him, so he listened to his boyfriend and went to bed with a painful erection.  
 

Harry opened the door to their bedroom and wasn’t met by anything else but darkness, the sun couldn’t even shine through the black curtains in front of the big window. Harry turned the lights on, just in case Louis was sleeping and had turned the lights off so it would be easier to sleep, but the bed was empty, the sheets lying in a mess at the end of the bed. Harry really didn’t know where to look, because usually Louis went to the bathroom with the door open, not even the tiniest bit ashamed, but Harry had already seen that it was closed when he walked past it in the smaller corridor. Harry slowly dug his hand in his tight jeans-pocket and picked up his iPhone to text his boyfriend.  
**TO: Louis**  
**FROM: Harry**  
_Where are you at, babe? You okay? x_  
Harry clicked send and was waiting for an answer when he heard a buzzing noise from the nightstand. He walked over and picked up nobody else’s phone but Louis Tomlinson’s. Harry sighed, because he was truly getting worried.  
 

The phone down in the kitchen was suddenly ringing, maybe it’s Louis, Harry thought as he started to make his way towards the stairs, but just when he was about to go downstairs, he heard someone sobbing and it was coming from the bathroom. A worried feeling had now a strong, cold grip around Harry’s heart as he ignored the ringing phone and made his way towards the bathroom instead. He gulped as he put his hand on the doorknob and slowly tried to turn it, but of course, it was locked.  
  
”Louis?” Harry asked, worried, and pounded on the door, ”Louis, baby? Are you okay?”  
It was completely quiet, the only noises being heard were the tub running and loud sobbing, Harry was getting more worried by the second because what if something had happened Louis? Even worse, what if he was in pain?  
  
”Louis, please open the door!” Harry furiously cried and pounded harder, he tried to turn the doorknob again but it was all without success. ”For fuck’s sake, Louis!”  
  
The sobs were getting louder and Harry could now clearly tell that Louis was crying, it really made Harry panic because he had no idea about how he was going to get the door open. Harry backed away from the door and pulled at his hair, trying to come up with a solution for how he was going to help is dear boyfriend. An idea finally hit him.  
  
”Louis stay safe, I need to go and get a crowbar!” Harry said through the door and rushed down the stairs as soon as he thought Louis had heard his words. He ran so fast that he was close to falling, but he just didn’t care, Louis was in pain.  
 

Harry grabbed the crowbar in the garage and ran even faster on his way back to the bathroom where Louis was sitting, not opening the door. The younger boy didn’t waste any time before putting the tool in the right position, bending the door with all his power. The door cracked and finally opened and the sight of Louis was enough for Harry’s tears to float out from his green eyes. Louis was lying in the bathtub, completely naked, tears streaming down his face as he sobbed. He sounded absolutely hysterical.  
  
”Oh my god, baby,” Harry whispered brokenly and rushed over to his crying boyfriend, and that’s when he saw it. Louis arms were tightly gripping the sides of the bathtub, stopping him from falling further down, drowning. Harry started sobbing, his lips trembling as he took in the sight of the older boy’s scar covered wrists. The water in the tub was red. Red of blood and that made the whole thing so much worse because Harry couldn’t see even a tiny bloody wound on his wrists.  
  
”Where’s the blood coming from, baby?” Harry asked, not even trying to hide his panic, ”Louis please answer me!” Tears were clouding Harry’s vision, making it harder to see the situation in front of him.  
  
Instead of giving Harry a blunt answer, Louis pointed to his thighs and in that second, Harry understood everything. He understood why Louis only had been wearing shirts with long sleeves and why he wouldn’t wear shorts shorter than down to his knees. Harry understood that Louis hadn’t wanted to have sex with him because of all the secret scars and wounds covering several places of his angelic body. Harry understood that Louis had been hurting himself behind his back.  
  
”Oh, Louis,” Harry sniffled and didn’t even care that he still was covered in his black, tight jeans and a loose t-shirt, he climbed into the bath and scooted away Louis from the edge and sat himself behind Louis instead, he didn’t seem to mind. ”Louis, baby, why would you do such a thing to yourself?”   
  
Harry’s brain was a mess, it was so hard taking all this in because Louis had always been such a happy person, always joking around, both on stage and at home. He didn’t want to show emotions so much, he didn’t want people to worry about him. But when the two sat in the bathtub, Harry couldn’t even remember if he’d ever been more worried and afraid as in that moment.  
  
”Baby, we need to get you up from the water and clean you up,” Harry said, not even having to ask if Louis actually had cut his thighs and if that was the reason to why the water was red. Harry already knew. Harry moved in his position in an attempt to get Louis up with him so he could dry him with a fluffy towel, but Louis was absolutely still in his arms.   
  
”C’mon Lou, we need to get you up,” Harry begged, but Louis only shook his head to tell Harry no. Louis had almost stopped crying, only silently sniffling instead. Harry used all his powers and tried to get Louis out of the tub, but he stopped moving when a jar of something fell into the water from the bathtub’s side. He sat back and picked up the jar, realising that it was completely empty. All it took was one look and Harry saw that it was his sleeping pills, and the jar had in fact been full when he saw it the last time. It felt like Harry was shot right through the head, he couldn’t wrap his head around all the swimming thoughts.  
  
”L– Louis,” he whispered, fear in his voice, ”please don’t tell me you took the pills.”  
  
And in that moment, Louis completely lost it. Tears started streaming down his already tears stained cheeks, his mouth open as he started to drool. He shook in Harry’s arms and took a firm grip of his own hair.   
  
”Louis, oh baby, no, no, no, no!” Harry cried and hugged Louis tighter against his chest. ”Louis what the hell were you thinking?” Harry screamed, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if it would help to call an ambulance, if they would be able to come there before Louis actually fell asleep.  
  
”You weren’t supposed to find me,” Louis croaked, and that only made Harry cry harder because what if he didn’t find Louis? What if he actually came in the bathroom and Louis was lying there in the bathtub, not moving, not even breathing. Dead.  
  
”Louis when did you take the pills?” Harry asked, just hoping that it wasn’t longer than half an hour ago. ”Louis, fuck, we need to get them out of you!”  
  
”I’m feeling so tired, Haz,” Louis whispered, leaning his head on the green eyed boy’s shoulder.  
  
”No, no, no,” Harry’s croaked out and shook Louis’ shoulder, trying to keep him awake, ”you have to stay awake, Louis! You can’t fucking leave me, you can’t!” Harry was full on screaming now.   
  
”Open your mouth, Louis,” Harry cried, ”I need to get the pills out of you!”  
  
”I can’t, Haz, I’m so tired,” Louis whimpered and yawned, slightly stretching his scar covered arms.  
  
Harry didn’t care any more, he gripped Louis’ jaw and forced his mouth open, not wasting any time when putting his fingers in Louis’ mouth, pushing further, frantically searching for Louis’ gag reflex. He didn’t have to search for long before Louis was gagging, tears starting to run down his cheeks once again, but Harry didn’t take out his fingers from Louis’ mouth. He pushed further, tears now threatening to leave his own eyes as well. Louis suddenly arched forward and Harry swiftly took out his fingers from Louis’ mouth, not watching as Louis cried, loud sobbing leaving his mouth together with Louis’ breakfast, and pills. Harry cried and wiped at his eyes, just hoping that everything would be over soon, that Louis would be fine. Louis stopped throwing up and turned around in the bath, looking at Harry with tired eyes instead.  
  
”It’s not all of them, Harry,” Louis whispered and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, crying against his chest.  
  
”Louis, why would you ever try to commit suicide? Don’t you understand that we love you. The fans, the boys, your family and me, we love you so much, why would you ever leave me? Louis, why are you leaving me? I can’t live without you, you mean so much to me and I wouldn’t be able to live on without you!” Harry screamed, tears running down his cheeks.  
  
”Don’t leave me, Harry,” Louis suddenly shouted, making Harry flinch, ”I don’t want to leave you!” Louis was getting absolutely hysterical, ”I love you, Harry, I– I can’t... Don’t leave! Harry I don’t want to die, I want to be with you, Harry, Harry, do– don’t please. I love you, Harry! I n– never wanted to die, I just wanted the pain to go away, Harry don’t leave, I’m so tired, do something... I c– can’t...” Harry had never seen a human crying this much and honestly, he had no idea of what he was going to do. He knew that it was too late to call an ambulance, Louis’ body was already shutting down, those damn pills killing him, making him sleep forever, but he couldn’t leave Louis, fuck, he could not leave him.  
  
”Harry, it h– hurts,” Louis cried and put his hands over his ears, ”let me sleep, let me sleep, it hurts, Harry!” Louis was screaming so loud, but Harry just sat there, absolutely numb, completely forgetting that his lovely boyfriend was dying in his arms in a bathtub in their house.  
  
”B– Baby,” Harry cried, because he was done, he wouldn’t let Louis leave, ”Louis, b–breathe, baby, I’m c– coming with you. I am not letting you go all alone...” Harry sobbed.  
”I just need to get my other jar of sleeping pills,” he whispered.   
  
Louis screamed when he got out of the bathtub, thinking that Harry was leaving him. Harry tightly shut his eyes, took a deep breath and opened the cabinet where he knew that he had one more jar of pills, just in case. He let his shaky hand grab it and opened it as soon as he had gotten it out. He didn’t hesitate as he poured all the pills in his hand, throwing his head back to easily be able to swallow three pills at a time, until the jar and his hand was empty. Harry’s body shook as he made his way back to the bathtub, his clothes soaked. He climbed back in the water and let Louis curl up against him, crying silently.   


Time passed, Harry slowly stroked Louis’ hair, both boys feeling sleep lurking. They both knew that once they fell asleep, they wouldn’t wake up again, they would fall into a sleep just as deep as their love. Harry kissed Louis’ hair and they both closed their eyes, slowly but surely making their way together to heaven where they hopefully always could be happy. Two words were whispered from Louis mouth and Harry was just able to catch them before they both gave their bodies and souls to death.  
  
_”I’m sorry,”_


End file.
